Zombie


“Zombies do not speak, cannot fend for themselves, do not even know their names.” ~Wade Davis, The Serpent and the Rainbow

Sometimes I feel like a zombie, staggering through life, head full of dreams and starving.  I open my eyes and stretch as the sun goes down. The night drags on, so I fill it with words, until I look up to find daylight leaking through my window.  I tell myself each morning as I close my eyes that I will end the vicious cycle.  I set my alarm for three in the afternoon and hit snooze until it stops going off.  Two hours later I wake to see the sun sinking below the horizon once again.

People retire early where I live.  Restaurants are closed by ten, and most everything else closes by six or seven. On my schedule, the only place to shop is the twenty-four hour Walmart, and I hate shopping there.  Hardly a market exists that Walmart hasn’t stuck it’s hands in, and the good ol’ mom and pop shops are suffering for it.  I prefer to support my local community, whatever community that may be at the time.  Yet, how can I if the town is asleep when I wake?

I don’t know any other zombies who share this bizarre sleep pattern besides Brad, my fiancé.  It’s hard to make friends in this world.  I used to go out to bars a lot, and it was easy to meet people that way.  I even met Brad at a bar (a gay bar, in fact, but that’s another story). I stopped drinking two years ago, so ironically, we choose to avoid the nightlife.  I don’t know where to go to make friends now.  I feel like an outsider wherever I go. When you spend your life moving from place to place, you learn not to let yourself become comfortable with your surroundings, and it starts to take a toll.  I’m beginning to notice the long-term effects.

Tomorrow I want put an end to this vicious cycle.  I will set my alarm early and get up when I hear its shrill call.  I’ll go to sleep before the sun starts to come up, set the alarm for an hour earlier than I set it the day before, and repeat this pattern until a new cycle forms. It’s time to step out of the darkness and into the light. The sun is beckoning.

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Presence


Magnetism of memory

As the present unfolds

Not knowing yet

What the future holds

Let it go

Let open wounds be mended

And darkness lead to light

Recognize the emptiness

In things we hold so tight

Let it go

Relinquish the burden of time

Death is not the end

Be thankful for what you have

And today will be your friend

Let go

Impossible to Deny


Inspired, I begin

The flight within

Wandering my soul

There’s no point to begin

A twist of relief

When the lights go out

My mind comes alive

Leaping from shadows

And dancing about

Jagged, my thoughts

Unorganized and tattered

Around tears and bends

Holding tight to what really matters

Trip on my tongue

Struggle to stand

Impossible to deny

What the heart demands

Shock from the ride

Leaves a block of ice inside

Struggle to carelessly push it aside

Darkness leads to light

Making a trail

Casting dead limbs aside

To let new growth prevail

Beckon


Tell me that clock is wrong

The birds are singing

But it’s definitely not my song

I feel backwards, misplaced

Somewhere I don’t belong

Please, please tell me that clock is wrong.

The sun, she beckons

But I pretend not to see

Why does she hold me hostage?

What does she want from me?

Why, oh why can she not see?

It is darkness my minds seeks

It is darkness I need.