“Zombies do not speak, cannot fend for themselves, do not even know their names.” ~Wade Davis, The Serpent and the Rainbow
Sometimes I feel like a zombie, staggering through life, head full of dreams and starving. I open my eyes and stretch as the sun goes down. The night drags on, so I fill it with words, until I look up to find daylight leaking through my window. I tell myself each morning as I close my eyes that I will end the vicious cycle. I set my alarm for three in the afternoon and hit snooze until it stops going off. Two hours later I wake to see the sun sinking below the horizon once again.
People retire early where I live. Restaurants are closed by ten, and most everything else closes by six or seven. On my schedule, the only place to shop is the twenty-four hour Walmart, and I hate shopping there. Hardly a market exists that Walmart hasn’t stuck it’s hands in, and the good ol’ mom and pop shops are suffering for it. I prefer to support my local community, whatever community that may be at the time. Yet, how can I if the town is asleep when I wake?
I don’t know any other zombies who share this bizarre sleep pattern besides Brad, my fiancé. It’s hard to make friends in this world. I used to go out to bars a lot, and it was easy to meet people that way. I even met Brad at a bar (a gay bar, in fact, but that’s another story). I stopped drinking two years ago, so ironically, we choose to avoid the nightlife. I don’t know where to go to make friends now. I feel like an outsider wherever I go. When you spend your life moving from place to place, you learn not to let yourself become comfortable with your surroundings, and it starts to take a toll. I’m beginning to notice the long-term effects.
Tomorrow I want put an end to this vicious cycle. I will set my alarm early and get up when I hear its shrill call. I’ll go to sleep before the sun starts to come up, set the alarm for an hour earlier than I set it the day before, and repeat this pattern until a new cycle forms. It’s time to step out of the darkness and into the light. The sun is beckoning.