“Zombies do not speak, cannot fend for themselves, do not even know their names.” ~Wade Davis, The Serpent and the Rainbow

Sometimes I feel like a zombie, staggering through life, head full of dreams and starving.  I open my eyes and stretch as the sun goes down. The night drags on, so I fill it with words, until I look up to find daylight leaking through my window.  I tell myself each morning as I close my eyes that I will end the vicious cycle.  I set my alarm for three in the afternoon and hit snooze until it stops going off.  Two hours later I wake to see the sun sinking below the horizon once again.

People retire early where I live.  Restaurants are closed by ten, and most everything else closes by six or seven. On my schedule, the only place to shop is the twenty-four hour Walmart, and I hate shopping there.  Hardly a market exists that Walmart hasn’t stuck it’s hands in, and the good ol’ mom and pop shops are suffering for it.  I prefer to support my local community, whatever community that may be at the time.  Yet, how can I if the town is asleep when I wake?

I don’t know any other zombies who share this bizarre sleep pattern besides Brad, my fiancé.  It’s hard to make friends in this world.  I used to go out to bars a lot, and it was easy to meet people that way.  I even met Brad at a bar (a gay bar, in fact, but that’s another story). I stopped drinking two years ago, so ironically, we choose to avoid the nightlife.  I don’t know where to go to make friends now.  I feel like an outsider wherever I go. When you spend your life moving from place to place, you learn not to let yourself become comfortable with your surroundings, and it starts to take a toll.  I’m beginning to notice the long-term effects.

Tomorrow I want put an end to this vicious cycle.  I will set my alarm early and get up when I hear its shrill call.  I’ll go to sleep before the sun starts to come up, set the alarm for an hour earlier than I set it the day before, and repeat this pattern until a new cycle forms. It’s time to step out of the darkness and into the light. The sun is beckoning.



Magnetism of memory

As the present unfolds

Not knowing yet

What the future holds

Let it go

Let open wounds be mended

And darkness lead to light

Recognize the emptiness

In things we hold so tight

Let it go

Relinquish the burden of time

Death is not the end

Be thankful for what you have

And today will be your friend

Let go

Scream In Me

Befuddled look

Around a planet of disarray

Approaching light fading

In the complexness of day

Children running wild

Being fed false information

Growing into something we wouldn’t be

Wreaking havoc on the nation

Filtered exposure

To the men in masks

The dominant species

The ones who ask

Currency comes in

And currency goes out

Never seeing the exchange

Destination or route

walking gun in hand

Other hand extended

Wondering what friends were made

And who was offended

Sorry I hurt you

That wasn’t what was said

Pressure pressing down

Makes it hard to lift my head

Sometimes I can’t breathe

Sometimes I can’t see

It’s just you I need

You put my mind at ease

Pain won’t stay

You take the scream away